God Is Working

So for the last few months I've felt some kind of change is coming. First it seemed Seth's job change was it. Then, the sudden onset of more peaceful times in our house seemed to be it. The girls are more manageable now, our interactions with each other are much more positive and loving than testing the limits of how much "no!" I could take and how much "no!" they could accept. Things are good. I am now tapering off of the antidepressants and hope to never need them again. But something else is stirring in my life. God is working and right now I'm just not sure what he's doing yet, but it's going to be big, I just have this feeling. So I for now, I'm trying to be patient, praying more about direction in life, if I should return to school to pursue another degree, or if my purpose is to continue staying home, making me more available to help people on much more flexible schedule. God is working on me...and it's going to be big.

New Year, New Hope

So, I've basically not posted to this blog for almost a year. Last year I went through a bad round of depression, so I took a break from posting. I can say, at first I thought I was just really stressed out and that was the source of all my frustration and anger, etc. But, it just seemed I was really not happy. So I went to my doctor and asked him to evaluate me for possible depression. Turns out, yes, I was probably dealing with some depression. Afterall, I am a stay at home mom of twins, now only 4 years old. Those first few years were stressful, and having two kids going through the terrible twos and threes at the same time was often overwhelming. The doctor pointed out that being under stress for prolonged periods of time can cause depression. He also told me he sees quite a few moms with multiples in his office for the exact same thing. That made me feel better. He told me he thought my depression was mild--moderate and prescribed an antidepressant. I was a big apprehensive about the medication because of all the potential side effects, but went ahead and took it just to see if I noticed a difference. All I can say now is wow, what a difference! I went from being angry, frustrated, ovewhelmed, to occassionally annoyed. Now, I must be honest, I have experienced some of the common side effects from the medication, but I'm willing to put up with it for awhile because the benefit from the medication far outweighs the side effects.

In addition to the medication, I requested a counseling referral. I would like to manage things better on my own and hopefully not have to rely on medication all the time. In June, I completed 5 months of counseling. I learned a few techniques for managing my frustrations, as well as just realizing I am doing so many things right when it comes to parenting, it's just that I have really strong willed kids that have a persistence to challenge me all the time. Good news is, this seems to only happen with Seth and I and thankfully it is not a problem at the girls' preschool or church.

Looking forward to a better year in 2011!

Statements from Savannah

Savannah is upset this morning. She has lost her toy ring. She's been looking all over the living room and kitchen and still can't find it. I suggest to her that maybe she dropped it and it went under the couch. She frustratingly responds, "Mom! It doesn't have legs!". Hahahahahaha! I then rephrase my sentence and say maybe it rolled under the couch. 3 year olds have such a funny take on life sometimes.

A 3 year old's perspective on cooking.

Yesterday I was getting out things to make meat loaf for dinner and Emily comes running into the kitchen very excited. She gets out her apron and then enthusiastically asks, "Can I help make? What are you making? I want to help make!" Make? Does she mean bake? I tell her I'm not baking anything and explain I'm mixing together the meatloaf. She still wants to help. I then have to explain that it's not a safe idea for little kids to touch raw meat, so she can't help this time. She got really sad and then says, "But I really want to make somthing, what can I make?". So cute, Emily and Savannah both love to help me bake cookies. I guess they think working with food is called "making". I can see the reasoning behind that, for example, I'll ask them if they want to help make some cookies, or tell them I need to go make dinner. Maybe I'll have to plan some fun cookies or cupcakes to bake...or um...make?

Sweet girl

Savannah can be so sweet sometimes. Today, I'm sick with a cold, and at snack time offered Savannah an orange. She tells me I can have the first bite of orange to help me get better. What a sweet little girl.

Potty training update

The first two days of potty training were good. The third...well, not so good. And now on the 5th day, I'm having to fight them to go when it's time to practice. They are not keeping their pull-ups dry anymore and they are back to pooping in the pull-up and then telling me they don't have poop in their pants when they really do. Seriously?! Who in their right mind likes sitting in poop for over an hour?! I'm just having a really difficult time and very frustrating moment. Savannah and Emily think it's hilarious to call me "butt" or "poop". In fact, everytime I ask them to do something or tell them we are going to do something, Savannah's response has been , "Okay, butt". I have told her I don't like to be called that and it doesn't sound nice. I have also told her if she keeps saying "butt" and calling me names that she will have to go stand in the bathroom until she can use nice words. I have told her "butt" and "poop" are potty words that are okay to say in the bathroom when they are using the potty chair or toilet, but we shouldn't call someone those words. I don't know how else to explain that it's just not good to call someone a butt or poop.

So, here I am, trying to get them to use the potty chair again and they start with the potty talk and name calling. I took away, TV, I took away music, and I even told them they would go in time out. Still, they continued to call me butt. Then when I told Savannah to stop ripping the toilet paper into tiny little pieces and throwing it on the floor, she looks at me and says, "no butto!". What a brat! Eariler today she spit in my face all because she didn't want me to get her toilet paper when she was sitting on the potty chair. I told no spitting on Mommy, and she looks at me and spits in my face again. Needless to say she got a spanking. ARGH!! I don't know what to do when some of these situations come up. I try to take the calm approach and it almost never works. My girls are just so stubborn that they don't seem to care if they lose fun things...and saddly the only option left is spanking. I hate that.

Another potty training attempt

So I've decided to give it another go. This time I have a sticker chart to help motivate my girls. They are almost 39 months old...so I'm hoping they will just keep on with using the potty chair or toilet and not go back to pull-ups. So far it's going well. Emily had her very first poop in the big toilet today. She was so happy, this is what she said to me, "Mom, I had lots of poo-poo in the toilet! I'm so proud of myself! Now I'm a big girl!"

It's a bit exhausting to try to potty train them both at the same time, but they are in phase where if one gets something, then the other thinks she deserves it too. So, by offering them chances to earn stickers everytime they use the potty chair or toilet, I'm hoping they will encourage each other and be proud they are becoming big girls.