Okay, so the past few days have just been plain difficult. I won't rant and rave about it, but we've had lots of tantrums, lots of fighting between the girls, and lots of defying mommy and I'm at my breaking point. Thank God for the Baby Gap! I just got a job at the Baby Gap and I'll be working a few evenings during the week and a few hours on the weekends. I applied to several stores but Baby Gap is the only place that called me and I got the job right away! Hurray! I think God knew I needed some kind of relief from being with twin 2 year olds all day long, everyday of the week. Baby Gap has a nice employee discount which is great because buying for 2 at the same time and having no hand-me-downs gets expensive. I had my first day of training earlier this week and so far all the managers seem really nice and easy to work with. I felt so happy after coming home that night. I actually got to talk to adults--and it wasn't all about raising kids.
Anyway, on to the funny part of the past few days. So a few nights ago we served grilled chicken and broccoli and bread for dinner to our girls. Keep in mind because Emily has a dairy allergy we cannot serve broccoli with anything else on it except for dairy-free margarine...or so we thought. As the girls were picking at their food, out of the blue Savannah says "I want some broccoli with ketchup on it, and chicken with ketchup on it". Seth and I just laughed, proceeded to put ketchup on her food and watched her reaction. She scarfed it all in less than 5 minutes! Then Emily made the same request. And each time we've had any vegetable, especially if it's broccoli, they ask for ketchup on it. It's just hilarious to me because I think broccoli with ketchup would be a disgusting combo. Whatever helps them eat their vegetables...
Friday, October 31, 2008
Sunday, October 26, 2008
Happy Moments
After my lasting ranting post I think I'll write about some of the happy moments in our lives. Savannah and Emily have been increasingly interested in music and singing. Their favorite video is The Laurie Burkner Band. Savannah will sing every word to each song on the video, with her favorites The Goldfish and We Are The Dinosaurs being her most frequent songs. I video taped them playing a song on their xylophone while singing The Goldfish song the other day. It was really cute. Savannah really likes to help around the house. In fact she gets really excited when you say it's time to clean up the house...I can only hope that attitude lasts through adulthood. Emily will help clean up, but only if she's in a good mood and usually it's for a short period. They both enjoy helping me sort laundry--infact they fight over who gets to put the most clothes into the laundry basket.
The girls both love "tackling" Seth and I--it's one of their favorite things to do. Each day Savannah will come up to me and say, "I want tackle you, Mom". It's fine now while they are small, but 10-20 more pounds and it will start to hurt. If it's not tackling, then it's running that they love to do. Each day they run up and down our hallway and laugh and sometimes walk up to our dog, Billy, and ask him if he "want run, Bulwy?". Sometimes Billy will run and get really wound up and start running really fast--this sometimes scares Emily, but Savannah loves it.
The girls are starting to try to "read" books on their own, and I've found they actually have a few books memorized so to someone who didn't know any better they would think my 2 year olds were actually reading these books, word for word. I know this is a step in the learning to read process, so I guess they are right on track.
Savannah is really concentrating on her drawing skills these days--she will spend almost a half hour drawing a picture. Today she told me she was drawing Elmo's World, (from Sesame Street).
Emily seems to enjoy "mowing the lawn" with her Little Tikes ride-on toy. She'll push it all over the yard, perodically telling you she's mowing the yard. Yesterday she spent about 20 minutes non-stop doing this activity. It was funny.
The cutest and sweetest thing the girls do right now is tell each other goodnight and hug each other before they go to their rooms to go to bed. So cute! I need to get it on camera sometime.
The girls both love "tackling" Seth and I--it's one of their favorite things to do. Each day Savannah will come up to me and say, "I want tackle you, Mom". It's fine now while they are small, but 10-20 more pounds and it will start to hurt. If it's not tackling, then it's running that they love to do. Each day they run up and down our hallway and laugh and sometimes walk up to our dog, Billy, and ask him if he "want run, Bulwy?". Sometimes Billy will run and get really wound up and start running really fast--this sometimes scares Emily, but Savannah loves it.
The girls are starting to try to "read" books on their own, and I've found they actually have a few books memorized so to someone who didn't know any better they would think my 2 year olds were actually reading these books, word for word. I know this is a step in the learning to read process, so I guess they are right on track.
Savannah is really concentrating on her drawing skills these days--she will spend almost a half hour drawing a picture. Today she told me she was drawing Elmo's World, (from Sesame Street).
Emily seems to enjoy "mowing the lawn" with her Little Tikes ride-on toy. She'll push it all over the yard, perodically telling you she's mowing the yard. Yesterday she spent about 20 minutes non-stop doing this activity. It was funny.
The cutest and sweetest thing the girls do right now is tell each other goodnight and hug each other before they go to their rooms to go to bed. So cute! I need to get it on camera sometime.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Bad behavior--mad mommy
Okay, folks--get ready for some venting! If you don't want to hear me rant and rave about bad twin behavior then I suggest you not read the following. I am near exploding so I really need to vent and no one else is home but me and the girls, so here is where I vent.
I am so freakin' mad right now--I just ran to our basement and slammed the door, jumped up and down and in a shouting rage, screamed a dozen obscenities. I am THAT mad. For some people that's probably small potatoes--but for me I only cuss when I am REALLY mad. I still don't feel I've totally gotten all of my anger out even with the yelling. I just want to throw something, kick something, break something--then go away to some far off place and never come back. That's how I feel right now. I hate being a mom today. Hate it, hate it, hate it! Did I meantion I hate it?
The girls are going through a difficult phase right now--major resistance to EVERYTHING. They get mad when I try to dress them, change their diaper, turn the water to wash their hands, brush their teeth, give them a bath, read a book to them, sing, dance, etc., etc., etc. It is so frustrating. And now, Emily is into telling me she doesn't want to to eat--refuses her plate--will throw it off of her tray to make her point. Then 5 minutes later she says calmly "I want to eat, I want my plate, Mommy". This has been going on for the last month and I'm getting really tire of it. Savannah does it sometimes too--but usually doesn't refuse her plate. If she doesn't get more of something, then she simply throws her fork/spoon across the room, throws her food off her tray, throws her cup on the floor, etc. Each time I tell them no throwing food, plates, forks, cups--leave them on your tray or give them to mommy. It does not matter what I say--they still throw it anyway. Well, today I got really fed up with it and screamed at the girls for doing it again, gave Savannah a spanking for throwing her plate after I just told Emily not to throw hers. I took away their trays and ended the meal. I am still mad. I don't even want to deal with either of them at another meal time from now on. It's the same frustrating routine daily and I don't know how to get them to stop. I know it's probably normal for their age, but I really think the bad behavior happens earlier and lasts longer because I have two the same age, mimicking and learning from each other. It's about to push me to my limit. Actually I think it already has and I am now beyond my limit, because all I do is scream at them, and I'm spanking them more and more because nothing I say seems to get the message across. I don't like spanking them, but they seem to stop their bad behavior a lot quicker with a spanking than with just a verbal reprimand--even time out doesn't have an effect.
I just want to get past this frustrating time in our lives--when does the fun part come? Or has that time passed already? Is parenting nothing but a huge frustrating experience in which we just try to survive and hope later on when our kids are grown up that they still like us and want to call us and come visit occassionally? Seriously, it feels that way alot these days. Basically for me once the girls hit 16 months, life just gets harder and more frustrating by the month. Now I've totally lost my patience and have turned into a witch mommy. I'm still going to counseling for it, but I don't know that it's really helping a lot. The main advice so far is to make sure I'm getting a break to get out my frustrations. That's a hard thing to do when you are a stay-at-home mom of 2 year old twins, with no family nearby to babysit and give you that break. Maybe I need to buy a punching bag and just go nuts on it during the girls naptime. AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish they would behave well. And I just want them to do what I tell them, to stop hurting each other, to stop throwing tantrums. I know that won't happen for awhile, but I can still hope.
I am so freakin' mad right now--I just ran to our basement and slammed the door, jumped up and down and in a shouting rage, screamed a dozen obscenities. I am THAT mad. For some people that's probably small potatoes--but for me I only cuss when I am REALLY mad. I still don't feel I've totally gotten all of my anger out even with the yelling. I just want to throw something, kick something, break something--then go away to some far off place and never come back. That's how I feel right now. I hate being a mom today. Hate it, hate it, hate it! Did I meantion I hate it?
The girls are going through a difficult phase right now--major resistance to EVERYTHING. They get mad when I try to dress them, change their diaper, turn the water to wash their hands, brush their teeth, give them a bath, read a book to them, sing, dance, etc., etc., etc. It is so frustrating. And now, Emily is into telling me she doesn't want to to eat--refuses her plate--will throw it off of her tray to make her point. Then 5 minutes later she says calmly "I want to eat, I want my plate, Mommy". This has been going on for the last month and I'm getting really tire of it. Savannah does it sometimes too--but usually doesn't refuse her plate. If she doesn't get more of something, then she simply throws her fork/spoon across the room, throws her food off her tray, throws her cup on the floor, etc. Each time I tell them no throwing food, plates, forks, cups--leave them on your tray or give them to mommy. It does not matter what I say--they still throw it anyway. Well, today I got really fed up with it and screamed at the girls for doing it again, gave Savannah a spanking for throwing her plate after I just told Emily not to throw hers. I took away their trays and ended the meal. I am still mad. I don't even want to deal with either of them at another meal time from now on. It's the same frustrating routine daily and I don't know how to get them to stop. I know it's probably normal for their age, but I really think the bad behavior happens earlier and lasts longer because I have two the same age, mimicking and learning from each other. It's about to push me to my limit. Actually I think it already has and I am now beyond my limit, because all I do is scream at them, and I'm spanking them more and more because nothing I say seems to get the message across. I don't like spanking them, but they seem to stop their bad behavior a lot quicker with a spanking than with just a verbal reprimand--even time out doesn't have an effect.
I just want to get past this frustrating time in our lives--when does the fun part come? Or has that time passed already? Is parenting nothing but a huge frustrating experience in which we just try to survive and hope later on when our kids are grown up that they still like us and want to call us and come visit occassionally? Seriously, it feels that way alot these days. Basically for me once the girls hit 16 months, life just gets harder and more frustrating by the month. Now I've totally lost my patience and have turned into a witch mommy. I'm still going to counseling for it, but I don't know that it's really helping a lot. The main advice so far is to make sure I'm getting a break to get out my frustrations. That's a hard thing to do when you are a stay-at-home mom of 2 year old twins, with no family nearby to babysit and give you that break. Maybe I need to buy a punching bag and just go nuts on it during the girls naptime. AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just wish they would behave well. And I just want them to do what I tell them, to stop hurting each other, to stop throwing tantrums. I know that won't happen for awhile, but I can still hope.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Feeling a bit lost...
For awhile I've just felt upset about something...not sure exactly what, but just sad. I think I've figured out what it is. Yesterday when my neighbor asked me if Seth and I were going to have anymore kids, I of course used my standard answer, "I don't know...this toddler phase has been rough...we'll see how the next few months are." When we went through our pre-marriage counseling, our goal back then was two kids by the age of 30. Well, we ended up meeting that goal all at once and at 29 now I'm feeling the pressure to decide if we should add another or not. Seth is fine with it either way, although I've been so stressed with the girls these past few months that I think he's leaning toward stopping at two kids. Okay, back to my figuring out what is upsetting me--I think I've been so consumed by the whole twin thing for the past 2 years and 10 months that I just don't really know who I am anymore. I kind of got lost along the way. So, with that in mind, I'm silently freaking out because I have no idea what to do with myself as the girls get more and more independent. It's a blessing in some ways, but I'm so used to being in such high demand to the point of not enough of me to go around for the two girls, that now I just don't really know what my roll will look like. So, back to the question of adding another child--I think I'm a little afraid if we don't, then I will just be more lost than I am right now. If I continue in my in high demand mommy roll in life then I know what to do for the most part--that will buy me a few more years before I really have to decide what to do with myself once all the kids are in school.
I know I still have 4 more years before Emily and Savannah start kindergarten, but I'm a planner, and I have to know what's ahead for me or I just go a bit crazy sometimes. So, we'll likely not have anymore kids as I feel not knowing what to do with myself is a bad reason to have another one, and my stress level has just been over the top, so I'm afraid it could get worse with trying to deal with pregnancy and two 2-3 year olds. I guess I should just pray about it a lot and see what God's answer is...who knows, maybe he has more kids in our future, maybe not? Until then, I need to figure out what I want to do later in life, how I'm going to get there, and what it will take to do it. That's a lot to think about...so on that note I think I'll go to bed and think some more tomorrow.
I know I still have 4 more years before Emily and Savannah start kindergarten, but I'm a planner, and I have to know what's ahead for me or I just go a bit crazy sometimes. So, we'll likely not have anymore kids as I feel not knowing what to do with myself is a bad reason to have another one, and my stress level has just been over the top, so I'm afraid it could get worse with trying to deal with pregnancy and two 2-3 year olds. I guess I should just pray about it a lot and see what God's answer is...who knows, maybe he has more kids in our future, maybe not? Until then, I need to figure out what I want to do later in life, how I'm going to get there, and what it will take to do it. That's a lot to think about...so on that note I think I'll go to bed and think some more tomorrow.
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