Sweet girl

Savannah can be so sweet sometimes. Today, I'm sick with a cold, and at snack time offered Savannah an orange. She tells me I can have the first bite of orange to help me get better. What a sweet little girl.

Potty training update

The first two days of potty training were good. The third...well, not so good. And now on the 5th day, I'm having to fight them to go when it's time to practice. They are not keeping their pull-ups dry anymore and they are back to pooping in the pull-up and then telling me they don't have poop in their pants when they really do. Seriously?! Who in their right mind likes sitting in poop for over an hour?! I'm just having a really difficult time and very frustrating moment. Savannah and Emily think it's hilarious to call me "butt" or "poop". In fact, everytime I ask them to do something or tell them we are going to do something, Savannah's response has been , "Okay, butt". I have told her I don't like to be called that and it doesn't sound nice. I have also told her if she keeps saying "butt" and calling me names that she will have to go stand in the bathroom until she can use nice words. I have told her "butt" and "poop" are potty words that are okay to say in the bathroom when they are using the potty chair or toilet, but we shouldn't call someone those words. I don't know how else to explain that it's just not good to call someone a butt or poop.

So, here I am, trying to get them to use the potty chair again and they start with the potty talk and name calling. I took away, TV, I took away music, and I even told them they would go in time out. Still, they continued to call me butt. Then when I told Savannah to stop ripping the toilet paper into tiny little pieces and throwing it on the floor, she looks at me and says, "no butto!". What a brat! Eariler today she spit in my face all because she didn't want me to get her toilet paper when she was sitting on the potty chair. I told no spitting on Mommy, and she looks at me and spits in my face again. Needless to say she got a spanking. ARGH!! I don't know what to do when some of these situations come up. I try to take the calm approach and it almost never works. My girls are just so stubborn that they don't seem to care if they lose fun things...and saddly the only option left is spanking. I hate that.

Another potty training attempt

So I've decided to give it another go. This time I have a sticker chart to help motivate my girls. They are almost 39 months old...so I'm hoping they will just keep on with using the potty chair or toilet and not go back to pull-ups. So far it's going well. Emily had her very first poop in the big toilet today. She was so happy, this is what she said to me, "Mom, I had lots of poo-poo in the toilet! I'm so proud of myself! Now I'm a big girl!"

It's a bit exhausting to try to potty train them both at the same time, but they are in phase where if one gets something, then the other thinks she deserves it too. So, by offering them chances to earn stickers everytime they use the potty chair or toilet, I'm hoping they will encourage each other and be proud they are becoming big girls.

Sweet Awakening

This morning, Savannah greeted Seth at the bedroom door before he went off to work and sweetly told him "goodbye Daddy" and he told her he loved her and she replied "me too Daddy" which is her way of saying I love you too.

Then she climbed into bed with me and laid down next to me, and said "I love you mommy, I like your hugs and kisses and snuggles. You're the best mommy in the whole world!". Then she gave me a hug and a kiss. What a great way to wake up! Such an awesome start to my day.

Anger Venting Session!

I am so angry with both of my girls right now. I could just scream--if only my voice would come back so I could do so! Seth and I have been dealing with this newer "testing" behavior with both girls and I think it's reached it's high point.

Today, I wanted to take the girls to Target to pick out a toy for the Toys for Tots box at our dentist's office. I thought it would be a neat way to teach them about giving. Well, we never made it inside the store. As we pull into the parking lot, Emily starts using potty words--freely, almost in a sing-song name calling kind of way. We have been having a problem with this kind of talk (i.e calling someone a bottom or butt, and now poop). Mainly Emily and Savannah both seem to use this language at the dinner table. They get this really aurnery laugh--almost cackling laugh (I'm not exaggerating) and then you know that bad behavior is about to follow (at least I get a warning signal, right?). So, in the van Emily is saying these words over and over and just laughing and laughing and of course Savannah joins in. I try to remind them that it's not okay to talk that way outside of the bathroom. They just laugh and say, "Okay, bottom!".

So, now I'm getting really mad. I give them a warning not to say those words for call people names or they won't get to watch TV tomorrow morning. What does that do? Emily ups the pace and is now saying these words over and over, fast, in many variations of poop, butt, and bottom. So I take away TV. Still Emily keeps on and so does Savannah, I take away Halloween candy, no change. I take away playing outside, still no change. So, I then tell them that I will not take them into the store with them talking with potty words. STILL NO CHANGE! For the next 10 minutes, Emily and Savannah keep saying butt, bottom, and poop over and over, directly disobeying me. I am seething with anger at this point. Finally Emily then says, "Okay I'm done saying those words now". Savannah keeps on and then Emily again begins saying the potty words. So, I start the van back up, pull out of the parking lot and basically I'm yelling at the girls at this point--telling them they are acting bad and I will not go to the store with them when they are disobeying mommy and using potty words. When we got home, I sent them to their rooms and told them I didn't want to be around them when they were talking with potty words. What does Emily do? She looks at me and says, "Butt!". She got a spanking and then I told her she couldn't come out of her room for awhile. They have been sitting up in their rooms for the past 10 minutes and I am still angry. Right now I really feel like I could just leave them up their for another 2 hours until Seth gets home...and then leave, by myself to go to the store and get our necessities and totally forget the toys for tots teaching moment.

I am so sick of everywhere we go, my girls totally disobeying me and acting crazy and using words that don't sound nice. Seriously I have almost chosen to become home bound during the day because they have been acting so badly. It's frustrating to say the least. I don't know what to do to correct it, I've tried all the giving options and choices. If you warn Emily she'll have to go in time-out for disobeying, she'll look you in the face, continue to disobey and then tell you "I'll just go put myself in time-out", and she says it with a smile. ARRGGHHH!!! What am I doing wrong?!?!?!?

They'll be in diapers until they are 20!

So, we just moved almost 3 weeks ago, and I haven't really hit the potty training thing very hard since early this summer. I've made the potty chairs available and even bought the small toilet seats to put on the big toilets. Sometimes they use them, some times they don't. Now, almost every time I tell my girls it's time for a diaper/pull-up change they throw a big fit and fight with me during the whole process. Even with a poopy diaper, they are content to sit in yucky poop mush for over an hour--often until their poor little skin is red and raw. What is the deal here? Why do they resist so much? I just don't understand. When I suggest using the potty chair I get a loud "No!", and then I offer the toilet...same response. I'm convinced that Emily and Savannah will be happily content to stay in diapers until they are 20 years old! The problem is that they are almost too big for the traditional sized pull-ups and diapers. Something has got to give.

Two 3yr olds and a paint store.

Do I really need to say anything more? Be forewarned--vent session about to begin! So, the 3's are really taking hold of my girls these days...either that or it's the fact our lives have been in total chaos with our quick sale of our home and rush to find another one. We move in to the new house in 5 days. Boxes and laundry are all over our current house--oh yeah along with every toy my girls own! I've packed tons of their toys and the fewer toys they have available to play with, the more they seem to spread them throughout the house. Behavior later has been challenging. Lots of direct defiance going on. It's different than a few months ago. It's almost like I can see them doing something wrong...while being warned to stop, and then taking a few seconds to think about it, and choosing to do it anyway. What's with that? Then, when they get in trouble they cry and act as if the world has ended. I keep telling them to do what I say and they still get fun things, choose to not to do what I say and get things taken away. It hasn't made much of a difference. I do simplify it and reword it and the result is always the same.

So, today I took the girls to a paint store to pick out paint colors for their rooms and bathroom. What did they do while I was speaking with a staff person? Run wildly all over the store! They took out over 40 paint color chips and scattered them all over the shelves and floor. When I told them to stop they would just look at me and then take another chip. I would then take away the chip and they'd get mad and sit on the floor. Then I would go back to talking with the staff person about paint colors--all while trying to juggle 3 pillow cases and a bath towel and shower curtain. The chaos resumes...I tried sitting them in chairs so I could finish up choosing my colors. No good. The girls then were standing in the chairs, crawling under the chairs and under the tables...and yes more running in the store. I was getting so embarrassed! My kids were totally disobeying me and I felt I had no control, nor any respect from them. I hate that feeling. When it was time to pay for the paint, Emily and Savannah were playing tag in the store. I pulled Savannah aside to stand next to me. She stayed, Emily on the other hand, just grinned and ran away from me.

I repeatedly apologized to the paint store staff and then tried to leave, hands full of paint can, and pillow cases, etc. and my girls decide to run out into the parking lot! AAAAAHHHH! Scary! I yelled at them to stop, Savannah stopped, Emily took it as a challenge, paused, and kept going. I got the van door open and almost tossed them both into their seats. Then the struggle began. They both tried to fight me on getting into their car seats. Emily even jumped out of the van! Argh! I was getting so mad by then. All during this process I took TV watching away, no listening to music, and put a stuffed toy in time-out. I was fuming at this point. I finally got the girls buckled in. I was practically shaking I was so frustrated. I cannot believe they were acting so badly!

I have no idea what to do. Nothing seems to make them listen and obey. Spanking even doesn't always work, unless it's a really hard spanking, but I don't like to do that because I'm usually spanking out of anger. What am I supposed to do? Stay home-bound during the day until Seth comes home? I'm sorry, I just don't feel like that's realistic. My kids have to learn how to behave in public. Suggestions?

The 40 minute tantrum

Well, the 3's are definitely eventful. After a good afternoon of the girls pleasantly playing together, snuggling and playing with mommy...the happy times came to an abrupt halt. Just before dinner, we experienced the usual pre-dinner defiance of getting hands washed. Once the girls were in their booster seats, I put a bib on Emily and rolled up her sleeves because we were having spaghetti tonight and I didn't want to get sauce on her shirt. I proceeded to do the same with Savannah and she got mad, rolled her sleeves down and started throwing a fit. I told her to roll them back up or she'd have to take her shirt off to eat because I didn't want spaghetti sauce stains on her shirt. This made her even more mad and she yelled "no" and started kicking at me. I told her fine, then took off her shirt. Then the ultimate tantrum began. Lots of kicking and screaming while in her seat. Seth then took her to her room and put her in time out. The screaming got even louder and more shrill. This went on at this level for about 30 minutes and then she couldn't scream anymore, but she was still throwing a fit for another 10 minutes. We are trying not to give the girls any attention when they throw fits like that...so I sat outside her door, just waiting for her to calm down before I could go in to talk to her. That was hard, she was crying and very upset, but I knew she would learn that screaming and crying will not get her attention if I ignored it.

Finally once she calmed down I went into her room and picked her up and sat her on my lap and hugged her and told her we loved her and then explained why she was put in time out. The rest of the evening went so smoothly after that. She was extra cooperative at bedtime--no resistance at all. We'll see what tomorrow night holds.

Crazy Life

Since my last post, we have sold our house, looked at over 40 houses in less than a week, and finally have a contract on a newer house. We just got the inspection results and are now in the renegotiation period. We have asked that a window be replaced, a few repairs be made to the roof, and for a mitigation system (radon) as the test results were high. I have no idea if the sellers will agree to any of those requests, but it never hurts to ask. We are still set to close on the house October 12th.

I think we have to absolutely crazy to be trying to do all this with two 3 year olds in the house. Emily and Savannah are definitely picking up on my stress, busy schedule, and lack of attention to them. I have never let them watch so much TV until this past week! On top of all that--both of them are now sick with a cold and are extra grumpy. Also, the 3year old stubborness is showing it's face. Holy cow--I had no idea there could be so many fights over the silliest and stupidest things! Sometimes it's EVERYTHING. Today is one of those days, from diaper changes to washing hands, to eating, to nap time, or just being plain civil to mommy and daddy and sister--there has been a fight. This has been my week. I am just about to go crazy. I work on Sunday, so that will at least give me some sort of break, but I know from here on out until we get settled into our new house, my days will likely be full of conflict, crying, and lots and lots of whining. What postive outlook, huh? I'm being realistic, at least if I expect the worst and it doesn't happen then that's something to be happy about.

Happy 3rd Birthday to Emily and Savannah!

Well, today at 11:01pm and 11:07pm Emily and Savannah will officially be 3 years old. I don't think we'll actually wait that late to celebrate, though. We started off the morning with the girls waking up to balloons. Last night I went to Party City to get them each a Tinkerbell balloon and a Happy Birthday balloon. I did pick different Happy Birthday balloons to make it easier for them to know which balloons were their own. As I was getting out of bed, I heard a voice coming from the living room...not sure exactly who's it was--maybe Emily's, saying "Balloons! For me? Thank you, Daddy!". They love balloons, so I knew they would be excited. We then let them open presents from us. A pumpkin shirt for each of them, two Disney princess hair salon kits, complete with battery operated hairdryers,etc. They shared a Caillou video and a plastic farm animals set. I did have a couple of other gifts for them, but in all our hiding of clutter, I couldn't find them. Maybe those gifts will be good for Christmas--if I find them in time (hahahah!).

For lunch, the girls wanted to go to McDonalds, so we picked Seth up from work and all went to eat at McDonalds. The girls were happy and kept asking us if they were 3 now. So cute. Now, they are taking a nap and when they wake up we will decorate cupcakes. Great indoor activity as it is pooring down rain.

Peace in the house!

Finally, the girls are in a phase of life where we finally have peace in the house most of the time. I just realized I haven't called my parents as teachers counselor or educator at all this summer. What an improvement! In the last month I can actually say that most of my days I have really been enjoying being around my girls. They play together more and are fighting less. They seem to cooperate a bit more...at least when options are presented to them. They are in a very silly phase of life, and are asking lots of questions--not the why questions yet, but just about everything. Emily and I had a conversation about God and Jesus the other day. Mostly she was asking if they were going to come to our house, or if they were going to by our house. Then she said she was afraid of them and didn't want them to come. And then a few minutes later, she stated that she wanted God to hold her on his lap when he comes to our house. And then many questions revolving around that situation. Sometimes I'm not quite sure how to answer. I often get the feeling that Emily is frightened by the whole idea that God can be near us without us seeing him like we see each other everyday. I just bought some Bible lesson materials from Mardel and have set a goal to do one lesson per week with Emily and Savannah. I'm hoping that will help with the fear factor a bit. Emily is still afraid to say prayers to God. Savannah on the other hand, requests prayers for God to keep her safe "from the thunder and the lightning and the rain, and keep us safe when we are in the car wash". I hope that I can do a good job of presenting the lessons in a fun way.

Here We Go Again

This morning Savannah woke up saying she was itchy. When I was helping her get dressed, I noticed she had rash under her arms and on her torso and it was spreading down to her hands. I'm almost positive it's hives. I'm pretty sure I know what's causing it--Amoxicillian (Penicillian). She has been on that antibiotic for a Swimmer's Ear infection for 9 days...When Emily had a reaction to this same drug it was on the 10th day of her course of treatment. I'm allergic to it as well, so I guess I'm not surprised. I hope the one dose of Benadryl will take care of it. With Emily we had to load her up on baby prednisol, Benadryl, Zyrtec, and Zantac before she would quit having daily episodes of hives all over her body. Time will tell I guess.

What a busy summer! I haven't sat down much to write about our days because we have been so busy trying to get our house ready to sell. We've been painting, cleaning, fixing, and now photographing our house. It's a long process while trying to take care of 2 1/2 year old twins. Today I owe them some fun. We'll play at the park and swim and hopefully I'll still have energy left to start trying to clean out our basement.

A Great Birthday Week

What a great birthday week! It started off a little hard with the adjustment back from having the girls gone for a few days at the grandparents, but Wednesday, my actual birthday was awesome. Seth took off work all day so that I could have a day to myself. I got to sleep in, go on a walk with my dog, shopping, and a massage. The best part of the day was when I came home from my massage, Savannah and Emily greeted me at the door and yelled "Happy Birthday! We made you a cake!" Seth had taken them to the grocery store to get a cake mix and frosting and then they all came home and baked the cake together. The girls love to help with baking, so they were so proud and excited about the birthday cake.

Then, today I got to hang out with a good friend while our kids played, then we even got some walking in. Later I took another friend's kids to play at the park and McDonald's with Emily and Savannah. They totally loved it! All four kids played so well together. The conversations in the van were entertaining as well. What a fun day!

A Hilarious Coversation

So, today my girls were playing in their little kitchen and their toy telephone rings...to which Emily announces, " I think it's Michael Jackson calling. Yeah, it's Michael Jackson." Savannah replies, "No, he's not done dying yet." Emily responds, "Yeah, they put his body in a basket, a shiny basket." I thought this was hilarious.

3.5 Days Without Kids

For the first time since Emily and Savannah were born, I left them with the grandparents for more than just a night. 3.5 days to be exact. Wednesday I drove the girls to my mom and dad's house and then drove myself back home so Seth and I could get some major spruce up and fixer upper jobs done on our house in preparation of selling it. I originally was worried the girls would not be happy about me leaving them, but it turns out they were quite happy to be with just Grammie and Pop. Yay! So my next thought was that Seth and I were going to get to spend some much needed quality time together...Wrong!! Seth was so project focused he totally didn't get that I needed us to go out and do something we normally can't do with the girls. Silly as it may sound, that something was go eat buffet at Pizza Hut. What a dream date, huh? Well, this was something that Seth and I both enjoyed pre-babies. Now, with Emily having the milk allergy, there is no way we can all go to a pizza place and have something to eat. So, it's been at least 2 years since we've done that. So, when I suggested it to Seth, he was not interested and wanted to keep working on our house. I got mad, had my feelings hurt, and basically was not very nice to him for a good 5 hours that day. When he finally realized I was upset, I yelled and cried and explained what I thought would have been fun. Expressed my worry about what could happen if we don't even take time to spend fun time together outside of our house when we get a break from parenthood for a few days...ahhhhhhh what a day. So frustrating. He saw my point, but by then it was a bit too late to do anything, and I was still a little upset. So, we worked. The next day we spent all day painting and cleaning until midnight. Our house was all out of order by Saturday, so we finished some last minute painting, did finally go out for lunch (although not a Pizza Hut), and then cleaned our house up and put everything back in order so the girls could come home to a safe house.

Now, the adjustment back has been rough to say the least. Yesterday it was Savannah who had tantrum after tantrum. My parents were still here, so I think that contributed to the conflict. My girls got a bit spoiled with attention and williningness to do EVERYTHING for them while they were at Grammie and Pop's house. Today, Emily was in a foul mood from morning till bedtime. I was so ready for them to go to sleep--I was drained, tired of fighting with them, and tired of hearing the word "NO"...and now suddenly Emily is spitting all over the house when she gets mad or doesn't get her way. What is with that, and how do I get her to stop?

We'll see what tomorrow holds.

Memorial Day Weekend...blog a little late

Okay, so I just realized I totally forgot to blog about our Memorial Day weekend mini-vacation. Not that I think it was just so awesome that I need to tell everyone about it, but this blog is also my way of writing down firsts and major events that my girls encounter. So here we go:

We had made plans to go to Beaver Lake (near Rogers, AR) and stay in a cabin. We planned to do some fishing and swim in the lake if it was warm enough. We also were going to meet up with my aunt and uncle and cousins. Well, we traveled to Joplin to meet up with my parents. They had bothed worked all day and so they still had several things to do to get ready to go. After a lot of waiting, and help packing we finally were able to head to the lake. It's about a 2 hour drive from Joplin. We arrived at 12:30am. I'm glad Seth was driving because we ended up driving down the darkest, narrowest, twisty road I've every been on. The girls slept maybe an hour of the trip. It took us awhile to get the van unloaded and sleeping arrangements set up. We were staying in a 2 bedroom cabin, so we had to bring air mattresses for the girls to sleep on. We had to rearrange the furniture in Seth and I's bedroom so we could fit the both mattresses in without causing a major fall hazard. Poor little girls didn't get to bed unitl 1:30am! I think that's the latest they have ever gone to bed since they were tiny babies.

The next day we explored the cabin grounds and went down to the boatdock. The girls were scared at first of the boatdock, so we didn't stay long. We did eventually get the boat in the water and took a very slow and short boat ride. Emily was TERRIFIED of being the boat and was crying and almost screaming to get out. She was fine once Grammie held her hand. When we stopped the boat my dad, Seth, and I got out the fishing poles to do a little fishing, hopefully to catch some white bass. My dad had bought little tiny fishing poles for the girls to use. Earlier Seth had tried to teach the girls how to use the fishing poles back at the cabin. Savannah concentrated hard and really tried to practice casting. Emily didn't want to be shown how to cast and grabbed the pole away and then got mad because she couldn't do it. Wisely, Seth had juts put on the practice butterfly instead of a real hook.

While in the boat, Savannah got brave enough to go sit up front with her fishing pole. She would push the button to drop her line and butterfly into the water, and then just sit and wait, slowly realing her line in. She did this for almost an hour! Pretty good attention span for a 2 year old. She would see Seth or my Dad catch a fish and say "maybe a big wave will come and help me catch a fish". So cute!

We were out for about 1.5 hours and then it started to rain on us, so we went back to the dock and then back to the cabin. It rained for the rest of the day. The next two days were similar in weather, so we didn't spend much time on the lake, thankfully we had nice cabin. My great-aunt was visiting from Cincinnati, OH and she came over to see the girls. She has never seen them except for in pictures until that weekend. A few other relatives came over and we all had lunch together. It was a good visit.

By the time it was time for us to check out on Memorial Day, we were all ready to get back home. The girls kept asking if they could go home or go to Grammie's house. I think 2 full days in a cabin when it rained most of the weekend was enough for everyone. On our way out, we did get to see something unusual. Another guest in the cabin resort we stayed at, was traveling to North Carolina. She was transporting baby kangaroos to a rescue facility. She was getting ready to leave and asked us if the girls would like to see the kangaroos. She had them in the backseat of the car in small fabric pouches. They were cute, a little strange looking too. The girls were a little scared, so we didn't linger for long.

We stopped by my grandparents' house on our way back to Olathe. We had a short, but good visit. My grandpa seemed to be in better health than he has been in a long time. He still is bedridden in the living room of their house, but he seemed alert and spoke a little to us when we arrived. I'm glad my grandparents got to see the girls. I know they wish they could visit with us more often.

Pretty Good Day

Today I paid a babysitter to stay with Emily and Savannah while I ran errands. So totally worth the $10. My goal had been to run errands and get part of my basement cleaned out, but my time estimation was as usual, a little off. Oh well, I didn't have to worry about my girls running all over the stores or in the parking lots...and I even got in a little shopping. The Carter's store is having their 3.99 sale and I did find a few basic shorts outfits for next year...or this year if Savannah keeps growing at the pace she has been for the last year.

After a short nap, the girls and I went to the pool. The "Big" pool as they call it. It's the first time I've ever taken them to the public pool by myself. It went really well. I expected the girls to really be excited and get lots of energy out with tons of splashing, but I guess the baby pool was just big enough to be slightly overwhelming at first. Emily, my little adventurous one, did try to attempt to swim and was more willing to try swimming in the deeper end of the pool. Savannah on the other hand was a bit timid and was content sitting in the shallower end of the pool, lightly splashing or moving her hands in the water. She was convinced that she was moving herself around the pool...I think the illusion the moving water created tricked her. I definitely want to get them into swimming lessons next year. For now, we'll just sit in the water, or have me swing/spin them around in the pool.

Baby Gap Sale

Lost of new markdowns at the Baby Gap store. I personally marked down a lot of the baby boy section. Many items for $5.00 or less. Get there soon before all the good deals are gone!

A Positive End To A Very Hard Week

This week has been hard. Just plain hard. Trying to potty train both Emily and Savannah proved too much for me to handle. So, I gave up. I'll try again in a few weeks. They just want to play and I was fighting with them almost everytime I wanted them to try using the potty chair. And, I decided I need to Scotch Guard my couches. Savannah peed on one cushion and never told me until she got her leg stuck in our gate above the stairs. I helped her get out and realized her pants were wet, but didn't find a wet spot beneath her...so when I asked her where she went pee she ran over to the couch and pointed to a soaked couch cushion. How frustrating. It had sat long enough to soak into the foam, so I wasn't able to get all of it soaked up. Yesterday I had the girls back in diapers and Savannah's leaked when she was sitting on that same cushion. Again, she never came and told me and I found it much later. So, that couch cushion now smells like urine and Woolite Carpet and Upholstry cleaner. Yum.

I think I was really stressed out and overwhelmed about the whole potty training task and to top it off the girls were not being cooperative or getting a long with each other at all until today. Today was great. We went for a walk in the park, then visited the playground, then home and a quick visit to my allergist to get my shots. Then I braved Target again. This time the girls stayed with me the whole entire time we were in the store. Amazing!

When we got home we all ate lunch and then took a really long nap. We got up, played outside and then when it was time for dinner, the girls willingly came in without too much fuss (a rare occurence). During dinner Emily looks over at me and says, "Mommy, you're my favorite friend in the whole world". She had the biggest smile on her face. That made my day. As much as I have yelled at the girls this week, I totally feel undeserving of such a compliment, but so thankful that my little girls are still so very forgiving at this age. Savannah tells us daily that she loves us. In fact she'll tell you several times a day and list everyone that she loves. Often she'll follow the statement with a big hug and kiss. These are the memories I hope I never forget.

Potty Training...Take 2

So today I decided to give potty training another try. So far, it's not going so well. Trying to potty train two 2 1/2 year olds is hard. If one pees on the floor, then the other thinks she needs to do that to--maybe for attention? Last time I did this I cleaned up six accidents on carpet in less than a hour and a half. Today I took the girls outside in the driveway (because it's shaded in the mornings). I took a potty chair out with us too and put in just inside the garage so it would be closer than trying to make it into the house and upstairs before and accident happened. The girls were happy to wear the training panties, but are not willingly using the potty chair. Savannah could be coerced, but Emily is very resistant. They use them whenever they want to inside the house, but outside, I guess there are too many things to do and they don't want to stop to use the bathroom. So, I have a nice huge bag full of wet underpants in the garage. I'm waiting until the end of the day to do a wash load. One pair of panties is actually wet due to falling in a bucket of water. Yeah, I had this great idea that if I made the girls wear only their Crocs that I would have an much easier mess to clean up. I just simply take their peed on shoes, dunk them in the bucket of water to rinse them off, then let them dry for a few minutes and then the girls can put them back on. No yucky sneakers to deal with. So, as Emily was riding her tricycle toward Savannah...Savannah stepped backward and plop! Splash! She landed right in the water bucket, bottom first, with her legs and arms haning out. The look on her face was a little funny as I watched her try to figure out and understand what had just happened.

Exactly how long does it take to potty train a child? I've been told a person can do it in a day or two if you just take them outside and leave them undressed from the waist down. After this morning, I'm not so confident this method is very effective with my girls. We'll see what this afternoon is like...stay tuned!

More definance, ignoring, whining...

When will it ever end? I am so tired of the whining that goes on in our house these days. It gets on my nerves. I try to help the girls realize that whining doesn't get them what they want, but they still do it. Also, they are just flat out ignoring me ALL THE TIME. What's with that? Even if I'm trying to get them to get ready to go do something fun...they just ignore me, I get mad, take away the fun time and then they cry, for about 5 minutes. Then they go about playing as usual like they really don't care that they just lost an opportunity to go to the park or somewhere else fun. The problem here is that I stay mad. Usually I am wanting to get out of the house, especially with the weather being so nice this week. It just drives me crazy that my girls will not cooperate. I am really missing the mother's day out program this summer. If I could afford it, I'd send them. I'm just not getting much of a break. By the end of the day, I'm exhausted and just done. Nothing left to give. Seth seems to get the raw end of the deal there. I just let him do dinner and deal with the girls once he's home. Then I just retreat to the basement for awhile. I love my girls, but their daily difficult behavior is about to push me over the edge. Either I'll get really mad and verbally unload on them, or I'll just withdraw and once Seth is home, be totally unavailable to everyone.

This is not how I pictured my life as a parent, or marriage partner. It makes me frustrated and sad. I've read about 5 different books about parenting difficult children, and it just hasn't helped me much. I'm still angry and frustrated much of the day. I just want a little cooperation, is that too much to ask?

I'm having a bad morning.

Actually it's been a bad past few days. My in-laws were here over the weekend and everytime they leave, the girls are always hard to deal with for about a week. This is day 4. Savannah has been waking up at the crack of dawn...literally. If the weather man tells us what time sunrise will be, Savannah is awake down to the minute. She crawls into bed with us, then tries to sleep on me, or tosses and turns until everyone is awake. Well, this morning we were sleeping heavier than normal and I remember Savannah coming into bed with us for awhile, but I guess she got bored and decided to get up for good. When Seth got up he found her in the living room with my purse and lipgloss (AGAIN) and this time she had smeared it all over her mouth and face. Seth took a picture and she looks like the The Joker. Bad start to my morning. I was mad. She had gotten into my purse 2 weeks ago and did the same thing, only then she put my lipsticks and lip glosses all over her feet and toes. So, to date I now have to replace 1 lipstick and 3 lipglosses ( it really stinks because they were all Clinique products, not cheap to replace). So frustrating--I think I get even more mad because I have REPEATEDLY told her to stay out of my purse, "mommy only". And it seems to have no effect. I feel like I have no space of my own anymore--not even my purse. I try to put it out of reach, but the girls always find a way to get my things. I can put locks and doorknob covers on so many things, but not everything--it's just not possible.

And to make things so much better (saracasm there), the girls have gone back to super defiant mode. I'm finding myself increasingly angry all the time. For the past 3 days they do nothing but ignore everything I tell them to do--even when I ask them questions about what choices they want, they just ignore me. This morning has been the worst. They girls are fighting with each other, and they won't do what I say. Savannah has begun lying to me. What's with that? She got into an old piece of cake left over from our small group (guess I missed a plate) and she had it all over her face and I asked her if she got into some cake. Her answer: no. No!? She had icing and chocolate cake all over her hands and face! I told her I could see the icing and cake on her and that she was lying. Then I told her what lying was. When I asked her where she got the cake, she tells me: "I didn't get any cake". Grrrr...I was getting mad. So tried to be calm and I asked her if she was playing in the cake icing. Again, she told me know. I asked her if she ate it. Again, "no". I could tell she knew she was in trouble, so maybe that's why she was denying all of it.

So, great. Now I have to deal with defiance AND lying. I don't even know how to address that issue with a 2 year old.

What a crazy time.

Well, we have had a crazy past few days. I came across a great opportunity to get a Shih Tzu puupy for only $100. One of my co-workers had two puppies in her care and realized she could only handle one, so I took the other one. This did not go over very well with Seth, or my dog Billy. Billy hated the puppy. I thought he would warm up to it and play with it, but he maintained his grumpy dog stance. The girls liked it only when someone was holding it or it was in his crate. If the puppy came toward Savannah, she would scream and start crying. She was scared. She had nightmares for 3 nights about the puppy crying to bite her or claw her. So...we put it up for sale and found a home for it 2 hours after posting an online newspaper ad.

I am sad. I got attached and started to love the dog, and now he's not ours. I'm in mourning. Silly I know, but that's just me, I love dogs and I bonded with this puppy, so now in his absence I'm just really sad. On the upside, Billy is acting like his normal self again. I guess we'll just have to wait until later in life to bring another dog into our home. Probably better that way--then the girls will hopefully have fun with a puppy and not be scared of it.

Alternate Identity

So this past week, Savannah started referring to herself as "Rae Ann". Rae Ann is the name of our hair stylist. The girls have been pretending to give each other haircuts (just involves hair brushing thank goodness). It started out that Savannah would say "I'm Rae Ann to my baby" and she'd pretend to give her baby doll a hair cut. Now, she says, "Mom, I'm Rae Ann, not Savannah". She has taken it so far that she often will not do what we tell her to do unless we call her Rae Ann. Each morning when she wakes up, she says, I'm Rae Ann. When she's talking to us and describing what she is going to do, or telling us about her day, she pats herself on the shoulder and says, "Rae Ann is going to play with her baby", or "Rae Ann played at the park today", etc., etc. It's funny. Sometimes Emily will ask us if she is Rae Ann, or if Savannah is Rae Ann now, and I tell her that Savannah's pretend name is Rae Ann, but her real name is Savannah. Then Savannah will tell me that Emily is Rae Ann. So, funny. I'm wondering how long it will last. So far it's been just over a week, and I think it will probably continue for at least another week or so. I can't wait to tell our hair stylist about it, she'll get a good laugh about it.

Garage Sale Info

Johnson County Mothers of Multiples

Children’s Sale

Saturday, April 25^th, 2009

8:00am – 1:00pm

Indian Creek Community Church

12480 Black Bob Road

Olathe, KS 66062

Children’s items from over 25 families

with twins and triplets, including:

• Name brand clothing sized infant through 16
• Furniture, equipment, toys, books, videos
• Kids décor, bedding, and bath accessories
• Maternity clothes

CASH ONLY!!!

No strollers before 10:00am.

(For more information about JC MOMS, go to www.jcmoms.org.)

Why is this so hard?

I really almost got out the other set of clothing I had been planning to save today and got ready to tag it...but I just can't. No matter how rational I think about it and convince myself I don't need to save it, that it's just taking up a lot of extra space in our house--I just cannot bring myself to sell it or even give it away. Why is this so hard? Does it hold that much sentimental value? Or, am I afraid I might need it later on? Right now, Seth and I are both leaning more toward the not needing it...but what if I change my mind? What if we do need it? If I get rid of it, then I'll have to buy all new clothing later on...is that practical? Or is taking up lots of space in my house practical?

Seriously, I was about in tears when I started looking through the storage boxes of their outgrown spring/summer clothing. Is that normal?

The World From a 2 Year Old's Perspective

Quotes from Savannah and Emily: "Look Mommy, the tree changed colors!" (Savannah talking about a red bud tree).

"We are keeping our door closed so the dinosaurs don't come in" (Emily).

"Big brown lady nipples!" (Savannah's observation when mommy was changing clothes).

"Does the fan have eyes?" (Emily)

"Do birds talk?" (Savannah)

"Was he driving crazy?" (Savannah, after everytime I break while driving the van).

"Is Daddy a man? Are you a lady?" (Savannah)

"Is that Grammie's house?" (Emily--pointing to our neighbor's house).

"Hey Big-Kid, can we slide down with you?" (Savannah speaking to an older child at the park...then I tell her that kid has a name) "But I don't know her name! Big-Kid, can we play with you?"

"I don't like ants to be in our house, mom. Ants no coming in our house!" (Savannah)

"What is here, Mom?" (Emily, whenever anyone comes to our door).

"Where are we going today?" (Emily, each morning after I get everyone dressed).

"I'm scared of the Bummer, I don't want the Bummer to be here". ( Savannah after anyone says the saying, "what a bummer! or oh,bummer"...guess she thinks it's someone or something to be afraid of. ) It's hard to explain sayings to 2 year olds.

There are many more...just can't think of them right now.

Easter Firsts

I've been meaning to write about this, but we've all been sick, and I just forgot. So here is a little bit about our Easter weekend. We traveled to Seth's parents' house to visit them and the rest of his dad's family. The weather was really nice on Saturday, so we had a little Easter Egg hunt for the girls. They really got excited about it and kept asking if they could hunt for more eggs even after they found all of the eggs that we had. They had great fun dyeing eggs with their Grandma Terry, and amazingly they didn't make a huge mess. The best part was after the eggs dried, they got to put silly faces and hats on the eggs.

Doug and Terry have a "stray" cat (they buy cat food for it, so I guess they consider it theirs now) that gave birth to three kittens in their attic a few weeks ago. Doug brought them down in a box so the girls could see them. They have never seen a kitten in real life before. Savannah was a little scared of them. Emily liked petting them. They were cute little kitties. One was gray and white, another was brown, black, and white tiger striped, and the other one was brown and white, with a brown smudge of fur across her nose. We let the kittens out in the yard for a short while to see if the girls would play with them. They preferred to watch them from a distance, and if a kitten approached Savannah she would yell, "No, go away kitty, go away!" and then she's get really upset, so I told her to run the other way. That helped. I guess she hasn't realized that she's a lot bigger than a kitten, and the kitten is probably afraid of her too.

Easter Sunday we went to church, then had a big family dinner at Seth's granparents' new house. The girls got to play with their three cousins, Kinley, Kyle, and Anna. It was long day. The girls didn't get a nap until we loaded up and began our drive back home--around 4:30pm. It was a fun time, the girls were sad to leave. They love visiting grandparents.

Code Yellow

Code Yellow...know what that means? At Target it means missing child or in my case, missing children. My mischievous girls got out of those really neat two-seater carts and ran away from me. By the time I got to the end of the isle--they were no where in sight--they run fast. I called their names, told them to come back--but nothing--not even a sound from them. So, I start to get annoyed, then nervous as I search the surrounding areas of the store. I finally see a sales associate and ask her if she's seen my girls and she radios a Code Yellow to all the other store employees. Want to know where they caught up with the girls? The FRONT DOORS!! AAAHHHH! Thank goodness they were together and people noticed them running freely out the door by themselves. This is the 3rd time this has happened since November. I am really considering buying those harness/leash devices for little kids.

A Better Week

Last week was great! I honestly can say that I actually enjoyed most moments of being a stay-at- home-mom of 2 1/2 year old twins. Savannah is starting to improve on her nap time issues. The sticker and Smartie bribe is working. Of course, I'm still afraid to let her nap without backwards zip-up jammies. I think I'll wait a few more weeks before we try napping in normal clothes again. I did return her toys to her room and so far she's been very good to just stay in her bed and sleep instead of throwing everything all over her room. In fact, I think I got in a good 2 hour nap 4 days in a row last week. What a change!

Now, Emily is starting to up her misbehavior as Savannah has improved--good thing my PAT counselor gave me a book that addresses that kind of thing. It's an identity issue. The good child now does not stand out so much once the misbehaving child begins to behave. So, now the "good" child will act out to get more attention. It's supposed to be temporary, so I'm hoping it won't last too long. Mainly it's just defiance and spitting. What's up with the spitting? Whenever Emily doesn't get her way, she starts spitting all over the place. It carries over to all situations. I recently had a PAT visit and asked my educator about it and she told me to make one location in the house okay for spitting. So, this is what I'm trying--whenever Emily starts spitting I pick her up, take her to the bathroom sink and tell her no spitting all over the house, we may spit in the bathroom sink. I've had to do this three times, and I do think it has cut down on the duration of spitting. Now, if I can only figure out how to get her to stop biting Savannah. Emily is a biter. She quit biting for a long time and has recently started it up again, only now that she's bigger, she bites a lot harder. Today, she bit Savannah so hard it made her shoulder bleed. Yikes! I took away the sticker and Smartie privilage because time-out did absolutely nothing. We'll see if that works.

The Dentist

Well, today Emily and Savannah had their 2nd dentist office experience. I wasn't sure how it was going to go, as Savannah has been telling me for the past two days that she was going to be scared of the dentist. I think she's really just scared of the chair because it moves up and down. Anyway, when we go there we had to wait awhile, and then they wouldn't let me come back with the girls this time. What's with that? I guess since they are a little older they clean their teeth in the big room with several chairs and several hygienists, so maybe there really isn't much room for moms to go back there? I was nervous that Savannah was going to freak out, but she didn't. I think I was a little apprehensive about not getting to go back with them because of a Dateline report I saw a few weeks ago about a chain of dental clinics that didn't allow parents in the room with their kids while they were being treated. Many of those horror stories were very unsettling--dental work that didn't need to be done, putting the kids in restraints to keep them still, etc. So, as I'm sitting in the waiting room, I'm trying to tell myself to relax--I'd been back with them during their first visit and I felt all the staff was very nice and trustworthy. Still--my girls are only 2 years old, and I guess I just expected to be able to go back with them for the next year or two. After 30 minutes, the girls came out with smiling faces, bags full of dental goodies--their favorite being chapstick...and then the hygienist hands them an Otis Spunkmeyer cookie. Uh-oh...Emily already saw the cookie, and she can't have it--milk allergy strikes again! The hygienist felt bad, I told her to just give me both cookies and that I'd "save them for later". Which really meant, when we got home, I then had to make some dairy-free cookies. I have a great recipe for Apple Sauce Oatmeal Cookies--they are lowfat, but still taste good. The only substitution I had to make was non-dairy margarine (Earth Balance). That seemed to be fine with Emily and she happily ate two cookies for snack.

Today, however...not so good.

She did it again! Yes, Savannah resisted her nap with a vengeance today. And, stupid me forgot to put her in backwards jammies--so, after 2 hours Savannah is yelling and crying that she pottied on her floor and bed. GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! WHY? Why does she do this? It makes me so mad. She's done this about 6 times now and her carpet is starting to stink! I even try to clean it with the pet stain spray...I think maybe she's pottied more times than I'm aware. This happened at 2:30 today--it is now 5:00pm and I'm still mad. I just really don't want to have much to do with Savannah today. She's been uncooperative, mean to Emily (who is sick by the way), and the whole pottying thing is just ridiculous. My own fault partly because Ieft her in regular clothes. But seriously! I think I should be able to trust her to keep her clothes on and not pee on the floor. Wrong I guess. On top of that she trashed her room again. So, I just now finished cleaning out her room--all of her toys are now in the basement except for a few stuffed animals and a handful of books. I even took shelves out of her closet so she couldn't try to reach the top shelf--yes, she's still trying to pull everything down. Tomorrow will be interesting...all that's left for her to do is empty out her dresser. If she does that, then I'm moving all of her clothes into Emily's room--not sure where I'll put them, but I'm determined to win this one. No more distractions in her room. I want it to be as boring as possible so that she'll have no choice but to give it up and take a nap. (Sigh......).

Yesterday a good day

Aside from Savannah getting into my purse yesterday morning (I did get really, mad, but I put her in her room before I verbally vented), yesterday turned out to be a good day. We met a friend at a consignment sale and did some shopping--without the stroller! The girls did really well staying by my side. We found some neat puzzles, but no clothes--not much to choose from in the 3T section, plus I bought ahead last year and find I'm not in great need of toddler clothes right now. Anyway, the girls were happy until we got in the long, long, long, checkout line. We made it to the de-tagging area and then Savannah started fussing, but every other child in the room was also fussying and crying.

After that we went to get the girls' haircut. They always do so well, they never fuss or squirm, it's so great. They love Rae Ann. They frequently request to go get their haircut with Rae Ann.

After the haircuts we went to the library to pick up a book for Seth. My girls are NOT ready to be at the library for longer than 5 minutes. This is how the experience was: "Girls, when we get inside we need to use quiet voices and stay next to mommy". As soon as we entered the building, the girls took off down the aisles and started squealing and laughing and chasing each other--all the while looking back at me with mischievious grins on their faces. Time to get the book quick! Oh no--the librarian tells my card is inactive because I haven't used it in 3 years. Yep, that'd be about right. The last book I checked out was natural birthing book I think it was called The Bradley Method. Anyway, if that tells you how often I've gotten out since the girls were born...
They graciously gave me a new card--verified it off of Seth's account since my ID has my old address on it, and the girls were really squirming. Thank you to the nice librarian for cutting me a break!

Back home for lunch, and then a nap--yes, both girls napped without a fuss. Amazing. Then after the nap, to the doctor's office for me to get my allergy shots. The girls were good there too. What a great day!

Praise! My mom came to visit!

I am so thankful that my mom is well enough to come help me out during this challenging time with my girls. She drove up Monday and stayed until Tuesday night to give me some extra help with the girls. Emily and Savannah love their Grammie. They had a lot of fun, and so did I. It was nice to be able to run errands and get tons of housework done without having to stop every 10 minutes to break up a fight between the girls. Plus, when Grammie visits, the girls only want her to help them and play with them, so the pressure was off of me to be the primary care giver for a few days. God has blessed me with a wonderful mom, and I am so thankful to him for keeping her here with us despite her cancer diagnosis.

My mom is actually doing very well. She just completed the last of her 6 weeks of radiation treatments a little over a week ago. She has been back to work for about 2 weeks now, as a high school counselor. Her hair is finally starting to grow back, so that has made her happy. We joke we'll have to find her a hip--maybe almost punk grandma hair do for awhile until the length is long enough to style more normally.

It was a good two days. I feel refreshed, calmer, and more ready to take on my twins behavior. I've modified our sticker chart in order to hopefully make it more motivational for Savannah. Bedtime is going well now. So far this past week she has not taken off her jammies at night and she stays in her bed. Naptime...well, we still have to take half her things out of the room, and put her in backwards jammies, but she at least stays in the room--sleeping once in awhile, but mostly playing or singing. I'm hoping giving her a sticker and one Smartie after each nap will motivate her to actually stay in her bed long enough to nap. We'll...see.

Naptime battle continues...

AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! I am so frustrated! I just went into Savannah's room because she was crying, and AGAIN, I find her naked and then she tells me she pottied in her closet. After I clean up that mess, she then tells me she also pottied in her room, by her babydoll stroller. Grrrr........I just don't even know what to say. So I pick up Savannah to put her on the changing pad to put on a new diaper, and she's saying over and over "I don't want a spanking". I took a deep breath and told her no, no spanking would happen. I again, told her no taking off diaper, no pottying on the floor, we potty in the potty chair or in the diaper. So then she tells me she didn't want to sleep and that she had pulled out several items from her closet that she has been told to leave alone. I finally took everything off of her dresser, changing pad and diapers included and put them in the hall for now. I tried to put as many things out of reach on the top shelf of her closet as I could. She's figuring out how to climb to reach things...so I think I'll have to keep removing things from her room if she keeps that up. I did take her rocking chair out of her room because we figured out she was using it to reach the blinds and had been pulling them down, or getting on top of her dresser.

Emily, on the other hand, calmly lays down and goes to sleep. She doesn't throw a tantrum, she leaves her clothes and diaper on. She doesn't seem to have the desire to totally destroy her room. I guess I should be thankful that she is at least cooperative right now and I'm only having to deal with Savannah's naptime misbehavior. I just want to know WHY? Why does Savannah keep doing this? We've been trying the sticker chart, and it seems to be working at nighttime, but not naptime.

I'm expecting a call from my PAT educator. I'm hoping she'll have some new suggestions. Until then, Savannah will be required to wear backwards, one-piece zip-up jammies for all sleeping occasions for the next month. I keep giving her chances to earn the right to just wear what ever she wants to bed, but each time I do, she disrobes and then pees all over the floor or bed. It's a viscious cycle.

Hey--I'm proud of myself for not getting all raging mad this time. I was frustrated and told Savannah so, but I didn't yell, and I didn't spank, and I didn't throw anything this time. Small step toward progress.

God's Humbling Forgiveness Through The Actions of Children

This evening, I wasn't feeling very good and just didn't even feel like eating dinner. Emily and Savannah took on little care giver roles and joyously offered to check on me, asked me if I needed some food to help me feel better. Emily brought me one of her little play kitchen cups of pretend water and asked me if I needed a drink. She then offered to go find me some medicine to help my tummy feel better. After awhile I just had to lay down on the couch. The girls concern for me grew. Emily asks me if I want a blanket, I tell her sure. She then says, "stay there, I'll be right back with a blanket for you". She runs to her room, gets one of her baby blankets and then covers me up, asking if I want my feet covered. She then runs back to her room to get another blanket to cover my feet. Savannah, also brings me a third blanket and asked me if I want her to read my a story. I say yes, and so she goes to pick out a book. She chooses her "Jesus Book" (it's actually a child's bible story book, but that's what both girls call the book). She then begins paraphrasing the stories in the book. Emily, also gets her "Jesus Book" and begins to read some of the stories--again, paraphrasing. I'm amazed at how much they were accurate about in many of the stories. I had not realized they had been paying that close of attention. They then go to get their favorite book, Llama Llama Mad At Mama, and Emily recited the entire book to me--word for word. She was so proud of herself, and I was proud too.

Even after I was so horrible to both of them today, they amazed me, and humbled me by their caring efforts to help me feel better. God's hand was in all that.

Mixed Emotions

I know, I should be in bed right now, especially after the day I had. Waking up in pain from my epidural injection was not the greatest start to my day. The girls woke up really early today too...so that meant no extra sleep for mom and dad. Seth stayed home this morning to help with the girls since I was still hurting a lot. That was really nice, and I'm so thankful he is able to that from time to time. He took them to the mother's day out program they are enrolled in. So, I had a nice break this morning. Upon picking the girls up, they were GROUCHY. Not unusual--they always seem to be grouchy when I pick them up, but because Seth dropped them off, I think they were a little mad that he didn't stay with them. Who knows...

Naptime was a battle again today, as I wrote previously. I finally ended up duct taping Savannah's diaper around her waist 2 times. She wasn't able to stretch the diaper enough to get it off this time. She cried for 30 minutes and then it was quiet, she finally fell asleep. I got in maybe a 20-30 minute nap before the phone rang. Of course, I forgot to take the phone off the hook...and so I get ANOTHER stupid automated phone call from "Cardholder Services". I'm not sure if that's a real organization or if it's one of those scams going around. Either way, if you really want to talk to me, you'll put an actual person on the other end of the phone instead of a stupid recording. They never actually say what the call is regarding...so I think it's probably a scam. Either way, "they" are one of the main reasons I take the phone off the hook during naptime--their calls happen that often.

After the phone rang, Emily woke up and started singing her mother's day out version of the "Itsy-Bitsy Spider". It was cute. She was so happy when she woke up. She wanted to wake Savannah up, but I told her not yet. Not after all my efforts to get that girl to sleep today. So she had a snack and then was content to play on her own for awhile, but several times would ask to go check on Savannah. Finally when I actually heard Savannah playing in her room did I allow Emily to see her. From them on, they were fighting, fighting, and ignoring me of course. What is with that? They act like they miss each other so much when one is still asleep, and then as soon as they are together again, they can't be nice to each other. Emily kept hitting Savannah on the back of her head as she ran by their little table in the kitchen. I would tell her to stop hitting, hittin hurts, etc. So what does she do? Yep--continues the hitting, only this time she gets a toy and uses it to hit Savannah. So frustrating. So again, I pull Emily aside and tell her no hitting, hitting hurts, please go play with your toy in the living room. Emily's response: "No, I don't want to." Then runs by Savannah, hitting her on the head...ARRGGHHHH! Our whole afternoon went that way, with Emily saying things like "No Mommy, don't tell me, don't talk to me". Mouthy little 2 year old wouldn't you say?

So, the best moment of our day was during bathtime--which is usually a conflict time, but today it was good. I don't know if God was gifting me with this moment of happy, peaceful, harmony with the girls, or what, but thank you! So, after that we went right back to 2 year old defiance. Bedtime was hard--lots of stalling with both girls tonight. I put Savannah in backwards one piece jammies, and again told her how to earn her sticker, gave her kisses and then she started requesting to give me more kisses, after two I told it was time for bed. She then went into tantrum mode, so I told her goodnight and closed the door. She cried loudly for 30 minutes. Emily, on the other hand chose to throw her book down and refused to pick it up off the floor to put it away, so she got book reading taken away for tomorrow night. Then she would not get in her bed, so I turned out the light, told her goodnight, and shut the door.

That was the end of my "mommy" day. So for the rest of the evening I've been on the couch half watching boring T.V., and going over some of my frustrations in my head. I tried to talk about some of them with Seth, but he's so easy going, it's hard for me to get him to really understand why I get so frustrated and angry with the girls. He finally offered this observation: Our girls are rarely in compliant and happy moods at the exact same time. So, what goes on in my house all day long is me battling for control constantly with one or both of them. This is why I've had it at the end of the day. I think he's probably right. He also thinks that I'm taking all this negative behavior a bit personally. I know they are only 2, but sometimes it really feels like they are just mis-behaving to see how I'm going to react, or to see what kind of reaction they can get out of each other. And now all the demanding and backtalking is getting to me. Problem is I'm trying to reason with them...I know, probably not realistic, but what else can I do? If I just let all the bad behavior slide, then they will never learn what is appropriate and what is not. The other thing I can truly say that works against me is my temper. I'm one of those people who will get mad on the inside, but try to hold it together for as long as possible and then after all the little things that make me mad build up, I just darn near explode in a temper tantrum of my own (ie. slamming doors, yelling in the basement, or yelling at the girls). It's like the more I try to keep my cool, the worse it gets as my buttons continue to be pushed all day long. I don't like that side of me. My dad was that way, and I know what it felt like to be the kid on the receiving end of it...so it's troubling that I can't keep it together to prevent my girls from having to experience that. Sometimes I just feel like my girls are going be all messed up because their mom can't just roll with the punches. I've tried counseling, it helped some, but really not enough.

I think I'm just angry to an extent that I don't even know why. I've felt like I've had an experience raising my twins from day 1 that many other moms, just will never know what it's like. I have a resentment I think. That everything for me is often twice as hard, takes twice as long to do anything, etc. and yet I'm supposed to function on the same level of moms who have children of different ages. It's hard to live up to that standard. I don't know why I feel that pressure. Honestly, if I just didn't ever go anywhere, I'd probalby not feel so stressed and angry becauseI wouldn't have the girls to contend with while trying to get out of the house--and I would never have to see other moms who seem to have it all together and act like what's the big deal?. Okay, I know I'm rambling now. I just feel like I'm not enjoying my children right now as much as I should be. Other moms seem so much more positive, and talk about how much they love taking care of their kids, etc. So what's wrong with me? I want to feel that way instead of my constant frustration. I want to have time for hobbies and for a social life. I can't even talk on the phone anymore because the girls are always fighting, and harming each other. Even my mom will get off the phone quickly so I can break up the fight.

So I find myself right now saddened, after looking back at their baby pictures and remembering how much I liked that phase so much better--even though it was hard because all I did was nurse all day...things were much more peaceful back then. So I find myself asking how did I get to the place that I'm at right now? How can I get back to happier times? Am I depressed? Am I just stressed? I have no idea...so thus the title of Mixed Emotions for this posting.

The Sticker Chart

After polling my mothers-of-multiples group, I have decided on a new plan that will hopefully motivate Savannah to keep her clothes on and stay in her bed and sleep when she's supposed to. So, I am implementing a sticker chart. Each time she stays in her bed and goes to sleep and keeps her clothes and diaper on, she earns a sticker. I started this two nights ago and so far Savannah has earned 2 stickers for staying in her bed/pajamas at night. She earned one for staying in her room during naptime while we had a babysitter here yesterday, although we also found she had taken the chart off the wall and torn it into 4 pieces. Not sure what that's about.

Today, we discovered the sticker chart torn into 7 pieces--Savannah stayed in her bed, but tore up the sticker chart. Frustrating. We've tried to explain if she tears it up then we won't be able to count her stickers. If she earns 10 then she gets to pick a treat or somewhere fun to go play or eat. I'm still having a hard time at nap time. I just went into her room because she was singing as loud as she possibly could "Lady Bug, Lady Bug, come into our house!! Lady Bug, come!" Cute and hilarious, but at the same time frustrating because she's supposed to be sleeping. So, I go in to her room to remind her to lay quietly, and what do I find? Savannah sitting on her bed, pantless, and diaperless I don't think she pottied on the floor...but I didn't do a whole room search either. She told me her diaper was wet. I asked her if that's why she took it off and she said yes. However, she won't sit on the potty chair before naptime when we try to get her to do it. What do I do? Both sets of footless zip-up pajamas are dirty, so we put her down for naptime in regular clothes, but I guess she's not ready to be trusted in just clothes. I think I may have to buy some more pajamas to cut the feet out of so I can get them on backwards...I hate having to do that, but so far it's the only thing keeping her diaper on. Oh yeah--on my way out of her room she matter-of-factly tells me she painted her dresser white with diaper cream. I look and sure enough--finger prints and marks all over the dresser. Just one more think to hide and put out of reach--so long to convenience!

I told Savannah she did not earn a sticker for nap time because she took her clothes/diaper off and was being loud instead of laying down quietly. It didn't seem to phase her much. So, who knows if this sticker chart will actually work. I'm hoping once Savannah sees that Emily is earning a sticker everytime that she will change her ways and try to get more stickers so she can pick out a treat too. We'll see...until then, I'm still going crazy and not getting my mommy nap.

Naptime/Bedtime wars continue.

I am absolutely going out of my mind with frustration. Savannah is still not staying in her bed for naptime or bedtime. She has gone from coming out of her room to staying in the room--however she has repeatedly chosen to take off her jammies or clothes everyday/night when it's time for bed. The past few nights, she'll cry because she's cold--and she cries for almost an hour. We eventually go in to check on her and find her in only a diaper or no diaper. Today, she took off her pants and diaper and peed on the carpet in front of her door. We have told her over and over and over, no taking off diaper at nap or bed time. I tell her she can pee in the diaper or on the potty chair, no pottying in her bed or on the floor. This only happens when she is expected to take a nap or go to sleep at night--no other time does she take off her clothes or diaper and have the potty issue. I'm back to putting her in backwards jammies...but that doesn't keep her in her bed. I am so tired of cleaning up extra, (in my mind unnecessary) messes!

Ready for February to be over...

We have had a rough February this year. In the past 4 weeks, the girls have had 2 weeks with croupe/bronchitis, a week of diarrhea, a headcold, an ear infection, and then just recently Savannah got her hand smashed in the back end of a doctor's office door...so we got to visit the Radiology department at Olathe Medical Center. AAHHHHH! Enough sickness!

The big kid bed adjustment has been interesting. Emily stays in bed, but wakes up grouchy and unhappy. Savannah, gets out of bed at every opportunity she has. We've had one night where we didn't have to return Savannah to bed at all. The other nights, the routine goes like this: tuck her in, 5 minutes later she opens her door and runs down the hall with the biggest grin on her face. We return her to bed, again she opens the door and runs...and on and on. Finally we've had to start giving her a few spankings to get her to stay in bed. I really don't like that being the last thing she experiences before she falls asleep...but she'll continue to get out of bed for 2 hours after the initial bedtime. We don't know what else to do. As I'm writing this, Savannah is knocking on her door, in hopes that I'll open it and talk to her. I've been back to her room 5 times in the last 2o minutes after she's called out "Can somebody help me get back in my bed?, Can somebody help me get my poo-poo diaper off?, can somebody help me fix the window? (she pulled the blinds down all the way to the floor). And now, she's just knocking and singing. It's so frustrating...I just want her to sleep!

On the upside, I think the girls are both finally getting well. We spend a lot of time outside yesterday with the nice weather. Seth was home all day, helping me after my transforamenal epidural injection in my low back (Tuesday). Yes--those hurt like crazy and I was miserable until today. I get another injection next week. Not looking forward to that.

Well, I'd better go for now--have to return a little girl to bed...again.

Cute girls and time for big-kid beds.

Our girls can be so cute sometimes. Yesterday, Seth told Emily he had made "grown-up" oatmeal for breakfast and she got really excited and smiled so big, grabbed Seth's face and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. It really was very cute. Savannah is talking like a big girl a lot now. The other day she actually used the phrase "you and I" in a sentence when she was talking about going somewhere. Seth and I were surprised by that one. At night she'll now say "goodnight mom, love you too". So cute. What else...oh yes, Emily has told us she "wuvs my Biw-wy (billy) dog". Savannah tells us she "wuvs to pet Biw-wy". They are both very excited about helping to care for Billy. They each call dibs on letting him outside to potty, or dibs on feeding him. It's great--I hope it continues for a long time, I love the extra help.

Ah yes...today we took down the cribs and set up the big-kid beds. Emily was so happy she was flapping her arms and panting rapidly all with giant smile on her face (that's her excited dance). At first, Emily wanted to sleep in the bed sideways...it took a little co-ersion to get her to sleep in it the "normal" way. We'll see what direction she ends up in the morning. So far, as I'm writing this, Emily has stayed in her bed. Savannah on the other hand just now got quiet in her bed. She was in her bed for 5 minutes, then came running down the hall laughing, like she just got away with something. Seth took on the role of being the bedtime enforcer. He probably took her back to bed 15-20 times in half an hour. Savannah thought it was all fun and games, so he did have to start giving her a few spankings. After awhile I told him I didn't think the spanking was having any effect...and then suddenly her room was quiet. She's been in there since then--almost 40 minutes now. I'm not too sure what the rest of the night will be like. I probably won't sleep well, because my "mommy brain" will be on ultra sensitive sound alert, waiting for a little one to get out of her bed and roam the house. Hopefully that won't happen, but I'm fully expecting to have a visitor in our room extra early tomorrow. Stay tuned...

Hard day(s)

I am so frustrated today. The girls have been whining so much and fighting. They are in a phase right now of just being difficult to live with. I am so tired of trying to get them to help clean up their toys, or share toys, or take turns, or do anything I tell them. All I get is defiance. Emily and I were having a war over her stepping up onto the stepstool in our bathroom so she could wash hands. She wanted me to lift her up and place her on the top step. My left hand/thumb have been hurting for the past week and so I'm trying not to do any unnecessary lifting. So, I told her I couldn't lift her up and to just step up on her own. Big tantrum followed and she laid on the floor while Savannah and I ate breakfast. Later today, she goes into the bathroom on her own, and washes her hands all by herself. So, she doesn't NEED my help, but she likes to dictate and demand my help on many things that she can to do for herself. It drives me crazy. I know it's her age, but I can't wait for this phase to be over.

Part of the behavior problems I'm seeing lately are due to me being sick for the past 5 days. I don't know if it's a stomach bug, or just my body trying to adjust to a new birthcontrol pill, but I've been so nauseated and had horrible indigestion and no appetite. All I wanted to do was lay on the couch. All that is very similar to when I was pregnant with the girls, only then it was easier because I didn't have to care for anyone, and now that's a bit different. This whole experience brought back the memory of how sick I was while pregnant, and how long it lasted (week 9--17). I'm pretty much convinced that I just can't go through another pregnancy experience and remain sane or be a good mom. I'm not good when I feel sick. I'm grouchy, I don't want to be touched--just leave me alone and let me sleep until this yuck feeling goes away. That doesn't go over too well with my two 2 yr. olds. And, I cannot stand feeling nauseated for days and days. I remember around week 13 of my pregnancy that I was crying and telling Seth I hated everything and I never, ever wanted to be pregnant again. So, I really think I'm done having kids. I'm already planning to get rid of most of my stuff, except for a few things that my brother and his wife might want me to save for them to use when the time comes.

Now, if I can just get through the rest of today. Yikes, so much house work--the laundry is piled so high--literally, it's about 3 feet away from the ceiling in the corner of our hallway. Yep--whenI feel sick, I pretty much just stop doing everything. Poor Seth, he's had to play the role of single parent these past few days. He's such a good dad. :) Hopefully the girls will be in better moods when they wake up. I finally cut feet off the one-piece pajamas and have been putting them on Savannah backwards during naptime. This makes the 3rd day and she has not figured out how to get out of them (unlike a few days ago--she got out of the overalls and the duct tape). We'll see how long it lasts.

New photo of the girls

Emily (left) and Savannah, hugging.

Diaper war continues.

I am so tired today and the girls are extra whiny and grouchy. I wish they would wake up happy for once. I know why Savannah is grouchy--she was up at 12:30am--1:00am this morning. Want to know why? I bet you can guess...No pants, no diaper, soaking wet bed. I know she must have disrobed around 8:00pm because that's what time we put her to bed. She got mad because she didn't want to go to bed, and then when we offered to put her socks on and blanket on, she of course, decided to jump in her bed, ignore us, and basically tried to stall going to bed. I'm getting fed up with the whole controlling stall act before bedtime. So, I gave her two chances for me to put on her socks and blanket and then I told her she would have to put those on herself if she didn't stop jumping in her bed. So, of course she kept on jumping. I then told her goodnight, zipped her crib tent and then shut her door. Immediately I hear her yelling, "I want my blanket and socks on!". Over and over and with each minute her voice was getting more angry. In the back of my mind I knew she might disrobe and potty out of anger as has been her way lately. After 20 minutes she got quiet. So, later, just as I had gone to bed (around 12:15), about 15 minutes later I hear her yelling. Seth is already asleep, so I go into her room. Savannah is standing in her bed, shivering and crying and telling me she has potty in her bed. What an understatement! I bet she peed at least a quart of liquid--her blankets, sheets, and mattress pad were soaked! Savannah was soaked clear up to the middle of the back of her head. Yuck! So there I was at 12:30am giving Savannah a bath. After I got her cleaned up, and freshly diapered I put duct tape on her diaper. Not sure if that really helps. It seems she only really tries to take the diaper off when she gets mad. I don't want to put her in overalls for night time sleeping because that just seems uncomfortable, but I guess sleeping in pee for half the night isn't any better. I do have two pairs of hand-me-down footed one-piece pajamas, I guess I'll just have to cut the footed part off and dress her in those at night for now. This is so annoying, and I'm so tired of losing sleep because of it. At least I can be thankful that for now that both girls are not taking their diapers off at every sleeping occasion.

Duct Tape War

So, all last week Savannah took her diaper and pants off in her bed and then pottied on the sheets during naptime. Wednesday or Thursday I put duct tape over the diaper tabs. She took off her pants, but never figured out how to get the diaper off. Score: Duct tape 1, Savannah 0. Next day, no diaper off. Friday, pants off, diaper WITH duct tape off, potty in the bed--2 times. Saturday, diaper and duct tape off, pants off, no potty in the bed. Still very frustrating. So, Saturday night after work I went to every place in the mall that sells childrens clothing in search of overralls. I finally found some at JCPenny, though they are boys. Oh well, whatever works. Yesterday we put the duct tape over the diaper, and then put the overralls on backwards. Savannah woke up fully clothed. Today, same routine...we'll see if she gets out of them or not. I really hope this works. If it doesn't then I guess I'll have to find a one-piece pajamas without feet. I really hate buying clothes for just this purpose. I just wish she'd leave her diaper on.

I'm going to go crazy!

Can I just say that I absolutely hate it when my girls are sick? Really, I dread the beginning of illnesses because I know what's ahead for me. Is there something about being sick that automatically makes toddlers turn into difficult, almost evil at times, hard to be around kids? Seriously--I really think something happens. My girls are driving me crazy. I am so sick of the fighting and whining between the two of them. And if one is really feeling bad, the other takes that as her opportunity to get a few extra hits or pulling of hair in. What's up with that? What happened to being sympathetic? If I don't feel good or get hurt, they rush over to me and pat me and give me hugs and kisses. If either of them gets hurt or sick, they turn evil on each other! I just don't understand. I cannot wait until they are well. I can handle caring and babying a sick child a little while they are not feeling well, but the fighting and temper tantrums over some of the stupidest things is about to send me over the edge. Just this morning I had an all out wrestling match with Savannah over brushing her teeth...and then later over using a tissue instead of the entire roll of toilet paper to wipe her nose. AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

To add to my frustration, naptime is not going well either. So, for the past few weeks, Savannah has been taking her pants and diaper off in her bed during naptime and then pottying in the bed. She has done this once in a while, but not consistently--until this week. She's been sick, so that has made her that much more grumpy and resistant to anything I need her to do. So, in protest of her nap, she's disrobing and peeing in the bed. Then when I go in to get her cleaned up, her first question to me is "Now can I go sleep on the couch?". I have never let her sleep on the couch, so I have no idea where she got this idea that if she pees in her bed that will mean she can go sleep on the couch. So, today makes day 4-in-a-row of the pottying during naptime. What I do when I go to her is get her out of bed, clean her up, tell her no taking diaper off in bed, change her sheets, then put her right back in bed. I'm so frustrated by this. Each day she asks the couch question. And each day I tell her no, change her sheets and put her back in bed. I don't have any of the one-piece zip-up sleepers without feet to put her in because she outgrows them too fast. I've thought of taping the diapers tabs with duct-tape, but I think she'll still find a way to get out of her diaper--half the time only one side is is undone and she's just slipped it off the other leg.

So, once again, mommmy does not get a nap. Grrrrr.....

Double Trouble

Okay, so since Thursday, Emily has been sick with fever, a bad cough, sore throat, and runny nose. She is NOT a pleasant sick child. In fact, it makes her one of the grouchiest, hard to be around people I know. And now, Savannah is sick with the same thing. So, I have two grouchy toddlers, who for some reason think being sick is a great excuse to just be difficult. Ultra resistant to EVERYTHING!!! It's driving me crazy, they have been fighting me on everything from teethbrushing to bathing. Sometimes I can't even get them to drink anything. I'm chilled out on the whole not wanting to eat thing, but they have to have fluids if they have fevers of 103. It's so frustrating. Today is hard because it's just me at home with the both of them. I am so tired and it's making me grouchy too. Since Thursday, Emily has been waking up 4 times during the night. Seth and I usually try to take turns, but Emily wants no one but me, so I end up hearing the fuss and getting woken up anyway. Last night Savannah woke up at 1:00am with a high fever and was coughing and her breathing just sounded labored. I was concerened she might have been having an asthma attack (I have asthma, and as a child I was sick a lot because of it...so I'm always on the lookout for signs of asthma developing in my girls). I took her to the bathroom, turned the hot water on in the shower and we just sat in the bathroom in the steam for about 20 minutes. It helped her breathing a little bit, but her heartrate seemed faster than normal. So, I was afraid we were going to have to go the ER. I woke Seth up and he was all out of it (such a heavy sleeper) and so I really have no idea if he knew what I was telling him about Savannah. I stayed up another half hour just holding her and listening to her breath. She was getting tired and so I gave her more Tylenol and put her in her bed. I couldn't go back to sleep for a long time because I was worried, and listening for more breathing difficulties. She ended up sleeping well through the night and didn't wake up until 8:30am (she usually is up by 7:00am).

Today, the girls are not getting along. Neither of them want to eat, no big deal, but I think it's contributing to their grouchiness. Nap time--HORRIBLE! Emily has been calling my name every 20-30 minutes. I go in to her room, tell her it's still nap time, and to lay down and go to sleep so she can get better. After several rounds of that I think she's finally asleep. So, I go to my bed and lay down, and just as I'm drifting off to sleep I hear "Mommy, up! I have potty in my bed!" Turns out it's Savannah who's resisting nap time now. So, I get her cleaned up, she asks if she can sleep on the couch now, I tell her no. I change her sheets and put her back in bed. All the while telling her no taking off her diaper in her bed. I even began a little mini-lecture about not going potty in her bed just so she can go sleep on the couch. I told her I would just change her sheets and then she'd have to go right back into her bed. I have NEVER let her sleep on the couch, so I don't know why in the last few weeks she thinks if she pees in her bed that she'll get to go sleep in the living room. So, here I am frustrated, exhausted, and a bit mad, and now both girls are crying in their rooms. So much for nap time.

"Flashing Neon Sign" from God?

Well, in my last post I was just wishing that God would send me a big neon sign that would help me decide on the whole baby issue. I think I just got it. Savannah has been very strong willed lately...and at lunch she was stubborn...and then a naptime she was even more stubborn. She wanted socks and so I took out a pink pair and a purple pair and asked her which ones she wanted to wear. Her answer, "Nooooooooo!!!" so I then put them away. Then she says "I want socks". I'm frustrated at this point and tired of catering to her every whim, so I decided today I'm not going to wait around for her to decide when and where and what kind of socks she will wear when I offer her choices and she refuses. If she refuses, then that's it. She'll have to wait until after nap time to get socks. Same thing with her blanket. I offered to put it on her and she screams "Nooooo!!!!!!" and so I put in in her bed and tell her she can put it on herself if she changes her mind. She gets upset and immediately starts yelling "Blanket on! Blanket on!" It's a control issue, I've decided and I'm not letting her get away with it. So I told her I offered to put the blanket on and she told me no, so now she has to be the one to put her blanket on. I tell her good night for her nap and close the door. Now follows screaming, crying, yelling for about 15 minutes. Then just as I've laid down in my bed for my own nap I hear her yelling "I have potty in my bed!". At that moment I was mad because I knew what I would find when I went into her room. Sure enough she had thrown a tantrum, taken off her pants and diaper and peed in her bed. Then she says "Can I go sleep on the couch now?". This made me even more mad. I tell her no. She'll have to sleep in her bed after I change the sheets. Then I tell her no taking diaper off in bed. And I'm still mad. That is what she does when she doesn't get her way. Since I put the crib tent in her bed and she can't climb out, she gets really mad and undresses and pees in the bed. How frustrating!! Basically my feelings toward her right now is that she's being a little brat!

So there you have it. My neon sign. I don't need to be having anymore children anytime soon. We'll see how I feel in 6 months.

To Have Another...or Not?

It's the same question that frequently is either asked of me by others or put in my head by my own doing. Do I want to have another baby or not? I go back and forth on this question a lot. Last week when asked this question, my answer was I was pretty happy the way things are right now. Monday and Tuesday, however, I found myself leaning the other way on that question. Partly due to everyone under the sun seems to be pregnant and about to deliver or just found out they are pregnant. Just this week--4 people at the Baby Gap are now pregnant, will be delivering in the next month, or just gave birth. My small group is that same way--one just had a baby a few months ago, another is due next month, and yesterday another announced her pregnancy. It's all I hear about these days. And everyone seems so happy, etc. So, all that plays heavily on my ongoing indecisiveness. I also think that my desire to stop having kids by age 30-31 is subconsciously putting the pressure on. I'll be 30 this summer...so if I do want to stick to that time frame, I'll have to decide what I want to do soon. Seth and I had a brief discussion about this topic last week. He's fine with one more child, although he's cautious about that because of how stressed out I was for quite a long time. So, last night when I talked about it again, I think he could tell I may be more seriously considering having another one...and suddenly his attitude became hesitant. What's up with that? So, last night I felt really sad. I would like to be on the same page as Seth about our family planning. At one time he made it feel it was up to me to decide because he was fine either way, now it seems he's leaning toward not. So confusing. And, I feel a little hurt because I feel like my previous stress has made him fearful of having another kid. So, in a way I feel like if I do have another one and it is stressful, then it will be my fault if our relationship suffers. That's a lot of pressure!

I have so many things going through my head right now, so if you are reading this I tend to jump around and not make sense, sorry! So, if I were to pursue another child her are some of the things that will be challenging: First, having enough energy to keep up with Emily and Savannah while pregnant--the twin pregnancy sickness lasted 17 weeks and I was miserable 24/7. Not sure how that would play out if I had to deal with that again. Second, where in the world would be put a third child in our current house? We have a 3 bedroom house--the bedrooms are small, even the master bedroom is small. Emily and Savannah each have their own room now due to sleeping problems...so where would we put the third? I told Seth if we had another one I'd rather we get a house with an additional bedroom. He told me he really doesn't want to sell this house. Problem. So if we wait until we have a bit bigger home, I'll be past my ideal time for having another child. Another thing to consider is that we don't have family that lives in town to help us if needed. With my mom having cancer and treatments, she'll not be able to come up as often to visit and help out for awhile. And finally the last challenge is cost--already having two in mother's day out is costing quite a bit, so preschool will be the same and then if Emily and Savannah want to be enrolled in any activities, that will be additional costs...and on into the future we'll have two prom dresses to buy and then two college tuitions to pay at the same time. If I have another child in the next year or so, it's quite possible we'll have 3 kids in college at the same time for at least 2 years. I know, that's way off in the future and our kids could turn out to brilliant and get full ride scholorships to their schools of choice, but just in case, we'd better plan for them needing some help.

There a lot of cons, I can see from what I just typed above...however I realize there will never be a "perfect" situation, so I'm not letting the cons totally rule my decision. The fact that I can't just decide to be totally done having kids leads to to wonder does that mean that maybe deep down I really do want another one? I just wish God would give me one of those "huge flashing neon sign" moments.

How To Traumatize 2 Year Old Twins

Here's how to traumatize your 2 year old twins: Take them through the automatic car wash and watch the hysteria that follows. WOW! Talk about a crying fest. Usually they get a little scared for only a few minutes, but this time--oh my goodness I felt so sad for them both. Emily especially. She was shaking and screaming/crying saying "I'm scared" over and over. I tried to comfort her, but the more I talked, the worse it seemed to get. So, Savannah was fine for awhile, but I think Emily's level of screaming got to be too much and then convinced Savannah she should be crying and scared too. So...for awhile I guess I'll have to wash the car when I'm alone. Poor little sweeties.

Today has been all out of sorts. Not in a bad way, but just weird. Having two 2 year olds makes everything take longer to do. This makes life extra challenging when trying to stick to a routine nap schedule if you have any errands to run. We finally got out of the house today around 11:20am. Went to the recycling area in the Walmart parking lot, dropped of a load of boxes and magazines, then went and did some Walmart shopping...without the stroller. I wasn't too sure how well that would go over, but it actually went well. For most of our trip the girls either walked next to me or held onto the shopping cart. They were very eager to help out anything and everything in the cart. At one point we were walking down the Kleenex and cleaning supply isle and by the time we came to the end of it, Emily was proudly carrying around a bottle of cheryy flavored Nyquil and Savannah had the mint flavored Nyquil. So we put those things back. Then went over to the diaper isle. The girls were getting a bit restless as it we had already been there almost an hour. So, as I'm going through my coupons to see how many boxes of diapers to load up on, Emily and Savannah take off running and laughing. I told them to stop, and of course, they ignored me and continued to run. Yikes--they are fast little girls, by the time I could catch them they were all the way to the electronics area. I catch them and made them hold my hand all while saying "Always, always stay with Mommy in the store". Aside from that little moment, the girls were great, and we only ended up with some weird power bar in our cart by the time we went to check out. Not a bad shopping trip at all.